Something’s gotta’ give – that’s ok!
Cindy Ball and Alix Cameron of The Smart Ass Gals have kindly posted this "guest blog" for the momMatters Blog as follow-up to their fabulous presentation last month. Thank you!
Something’s gotta’ give – that’s ok!
We often get asked if we’re living balanced lives. This is a tough question - sometimes yes and sometimes no. And really what is balance? The reality is that if you work, have your own business or are a new mom adjusting to life with a baby – life is busy. You can’t do everything. As Oprah says, “you can have everything – just not all at once”. We think it is important to decide what you want or need to do at a particular time. You can’t do it all so you really need to prioritize, make the call and live with your decision. Don’t belabour the fact that you didn’t get the e-mail out – you made it to the school concert. That was what you decided you wanted and needed at that time. Live with it. We try not to worry so much about balance, we strive more for a life that “flows” together easily. We try to arrange our work schedule around our children’s school drop off and activities and if we need to, we do “kid stuff” during work time and “work stuff” during family time. Yes, we try to live in the moment too but let’s face it sometimes you need to answer that phone call when you’re sitting on the soccer sidelines. That’s ok. Answer it. Your kid will be ok.
The other thing we have realized as business owners and mothers is that things won’t be perfect – something’s gotta’ give! We have learned to relax our perfectionist ways a tad. Obviously we don’t want to do a bad job of things but we have come to the realization that sometimes it is just better to get whatever it is out there and worry about dotting all the “i’s” and crossing all the “t’s” afterwards – or maybe not at all!
A good example of this would have to be our appearance on CNBC’s show The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch. We sent out a big press release in November to tell various media outlets about our upcoming Spring lingerie collections. Now in our rush to do this we listed our toll free number as 1-800-599-GALS instead of 1-866-599-GALS. The funny thing is that when the producers called they reached a seductive chat line. You would think this would have been the kiss of death and we would never hear from the producer – EVER! Not at all. It made their day, they had a good chuckle, we stood out from the crowd and they went on our website and found our correct toll-free number. It was ok. Mistakes happen. Life goes on.
So on your road to a balanced life or at least a life that goes with the flow realize that mistakes will happen. That’s ok we tell our kids it ok to make mistakes – start telling yourself it’s ok too!
Cheers,
Cindy Ball and Alix Cameron
The Smart Ass Gals
How do you find balance and release the desire to be perfect? Post a comment to this blog detailing your tips and experiences before July 30 and be entered into a draw to win two sassy Smart Ass thongs.
A lot of things have got to give...
I have found that the more I am content with, and confident in, myself, the more I am okay with letting things go. I am less concerned with what others think about my cleanliness (or lack thereof) or my parenting style, because I am comfortable with the choices I have made and the approaches (and mistakes) I make. I know what my limits are and listen to my inner voice even if it means I may upset others: for example, I have cancelled an engagement with a friend at the last minute because I just needed a night at home to recoop -- and not surprisingly, they understand. Be happy with who you are. Be authentic.
The endless quest for balance and guilt-free living
How do I find balance and release the desire to be perfect? The answer is that I haven't. I've realized that balance is not a destination, but a journey. You never "arrive"; at least I haven't and most mothers I know agree. Just when you think you've struck balance, something unexpected comes along sways you one way or another.
Accepting that balance is an illusive goal is how I deal with a chaotic life and my desire for perfection. Other ways I cope include calling a dear friend, baking muffins, getting down on the floor to play with my daughter, hugging my husband, taking a walk, heading to bed an hour early to read, searching the net to find a new mommy-inspired blog like this one or booking a coffee date with an old chum. Sometimes I partake in more frivolous, slightly guilty pleasures treats like giving myself a pedicure after my daughter's in bed, watching Oprah, asking for whipped cream on my latte, visiting the thrift store or getting take-out sushi for dinner instead of cooking a meal.
I try to take life one day at a time. Live in the present. And remember that today is a precious gift. I try to remember all those corny-but-true cliches. And if that doesn't work, I just laugh at myself for taking it all too seriously. And if that doesn't work, I may just have a wee cry and look ahead to tomorrow. Everything always looks up after a good night's sleep.
Working together
I try not to feel guilty about having a messy house. After all, my job right now is looking after the kids all day and I can't do everything all at once. My husband has been a stay-at-home dad in the past so he knows all about how chaotic it can be to be with the kids all day. He also knows that he has to do housework even though he is out at work all day. We both have jobs and we are both equal parents. So, that means that we both have to tidy the house! Back when we had no children, my husband and I used to love to cook together and enjoy a wonderful meal and wine on Friday nights. Now, our together time is often gardening or tidying up the kitchen together after the kids are in bed. We have banished the TV to the basement and have cancelled our cable so we now spend our time together. Sure, we happen to be doing chores but I prefer to think of it as great together time. We can talk and tidy at the same time!
Letting Go
I think the greatest gift my son has given me is the freedom to say no to so many things that used to clutter my life. From the moment I got pregnant, I stopped doing so many things for other people and started looking after myself. It really made me realize what my true priorities are. Now, if there is no joy in it, I don't do it. What an amazing thing! Now when I feel that people-pleasing urge come on, I take a second thought before I commit myself to something. It is so much easier to lead a more balanced life when you are truly living for yourself, and not for other people.
Without a Net
I wrote a similar article on my blog in April. http://motherhoodtheultimatesurvivor.blogspot.com/2008/04/without-net.ht...
Life as a mother is busy - always. I've found that as time has gone on, my standards have relaxed. My house isn't perfect, but it's comfortable. People can come over and it may not be the cleanest most organized house, but it's a house that you can relax in. My boys don't always put on clothes that match, but I'm happy because they put them on. Somedays I'll order in pizza just because I'm tired and a picnic in front of the t.v. is what's called for.
Life is about the journey and sometimes the mistakes make it more interesting!