Amy Marshall – The Relationship Resource

Do kids have an impact on your romantic life?!

5 Sure Fire Strategies for a Strong Marriage

1. Realize that your relationship to everyone has changed - Now that you’re a mom, the rules have changed and you need to learn the new rules. The more we try to keep things the same, the harder it is to deal with the changes.

2. Have an inspiration routine – Have a collection of books, quotes, movies, etc. to re-inspire you. Watch a movie that speaks to married life. ie. Marlee and Me – this movie shows the real challenges of having a child together, but also the intimacy that comes with having children.

3. Search for strength – don’t be a fault finder. We find what we look for. It’s hard to focus on the good when we are tired and exhausted, but we need to work hard on looking for those traits and attributes we admire. Look for these attributes at least once a day.

4. Approach conflict calmly – “How a conversation begins will 90% of the time determine how it will end”. When a conversation starts with a complaint, it usually ends up with anger. Start calm to hopefully avoid conflict.

5. Get to know each other all over again – It’s important to learn who our spouse has become now that he is a dad. Ask open ended questions such as “What are you struggling with the most?" Or “what is your favourite thing about our child”?

By focusing on the positive – this is a form of foreplay.

Trina Read – Sexologist

Erica Ehm from MTV and the Yummy Mummy club called to ask her to blog as their sex expert.

• The night before her 1st blog, she was up all night with her son teething. The next morning her husband wanted sex!
• Therefore her 1st blog was a rant of anger
• She found a lot of women were relating, but why were women not talking about this?

Six weeks after the birth of her second child, she started the 6 Month Sex Challenge – have sex at least once per week and blog about it. She is now ten weeks in.

Observations:

1. Any issues prior to the baby (relationship challenges) will just be magnified after. The more you don’t figure things out, the more they fester.

2. Having despite sex – really wanted to make her relationship a priority. It’s not just about making time for sex, but about one on one time with my husband.

3. Digging the “all about me” sex – Pink Lube and Gun Oil Lube really helps!

Sex after babies – women don’t have the sex they want because they don’t ask for it and end up resenting sex.

Three Take Aways

1. Think about why you have sex – if having for any other reason other than your own reason, then you need to think about your motivation.

2. What do you want out of the sexual experience? You need to tell your partner what you want. Most women are too afraid as we are not equal in the bedroom and we start to resent this.

3. What do you want your relationship to look like in 20 years? Visualize what you want to be; is this the kind of partnership you want to have?

Trina Read’s next seminar is at the Alberta Women’s Centre February 6th. Fee: $90.

Blog: www.trinaread.com/blog

Trina is looking for moms to talk about sex after baby for her next book. Contact her if you are interested.

Questions and Answers

1. Sometimes it’s not about me to start, but then it becomes about me.

Trina: We spend more time avoiding it than just doing it! The more sex you have the more you will want to have it. Just don’t feel pressured.

2. Toys – why do we need these things? Aren’t I enough for you?

Trina: Try the We-Vibe.